The holidays are here! It’s my favorite time of the year. The decorations, the food, the activities, the parties, and the family time are all awesome. However, this is also an incredibly stressful time for parents, especially those that are first-time parents experiencing their first holiday with a baby.
The expectations of where you are supposed to be and who you are supposed to see can be daunting. Everyone wants to see the baby, everyone has a gift for the baby, everyone wants you to attend their holiday get together and you are worried that you’re going to hurt someone’s feelings.
A Not-So Ideal Situation
Picture this: It’s a Saturday in December and you have a new baby. You can’t possibly skip one side of the family’s white elephant party, but you already committed to attending a party with the other side of the family, so you wake up super early and pack ALL THE THINGS because you’re traveling around with a tiny human all day.
Now it’s 2:00 in the afternoon and your baby hasn’t had a solid nap, has been passed around to tons of different people, and is overstimulated by the noise of a family party. If that wasn’t enough, it’s time to head to party number two. You hope the baby naps in the car, but you know it won’t be enough. The second party is pretty much the same as the first, but your baby melts down. People offer to help, but the baby only wants you. Now YOU are overstimulated, you’re missing out on the party since you’re trying to calm the baby, and you just want to go home.
You finally get home and put the baby to bed, knowing it’s going to be a long night since the baby was off their schedule and then, you remember you get to do it all over again next weekend.
How To Fix This Scenario
It took me several years before I realized that I was the mom in this scenario not having any fun at holiday events anymore. I was stressed and worried what people would think of me when my kids acted out due to exhaustion or overstimulation – I was pretending to have fun the whole time.
With so many people involved during the holidays, it can be hard as a new parent knowing how and when to say no. It’s important to set boundaries early on with family regarding what events you will and won’t attend, who will and won’t be allowed to handle the baby, and expectations for gift exchanges (Nothing is more stressful than having to purchase gifts for 25 cousins because you want to reciprocate what was purchased for the baby!).
Explain that you want to keep the baby on their normal schedule and that you will only attend events that don’t conflict with the baby’s schedule. Or maybe explain that you may pop in for a short visit, but you won’t stay the whole time. At the end of the day, your mental health and baby’s comfort is the most important thing – so try your best to set clear boundaries!
Five Boundaries I Set with My Family
- We will only attend one family get together a weekend.
- We will keep the kids on their schedules. They will nap at their normal times, and they will go to bed at their normal bedtime – regardless of if we are staying with family or are at home.
- Extra snacks and treats are okay, but when mom and dad say all done, the kids are done and should not get anything else (especially not behind our back).
- No one can kiss the new baby. Absolutely NO ONE (Side note – Along with that, once our kids got older, hugs, kisses and were ok once a family member asked for consent from our child. They would not make our child feel bad for not wanting a hug).
- Christmas morning is for our immediate family. We will wake up in our house and share the experience with our kids. We want to create our own memories as a family of five, and we aren’t going to do that by staying at someone else’s house.
Wrapping Up
The most important thing about the holidays is knowing what you and your partner want and making sure you express those wishes. The holidays are fun and while they will most likely always be stressful for one reason or another, having a plan in place can help ease the stress!
Enjoy this time with your family. Create as many of your own memories as possible and remember that your mental health and enjoyment of the holidays is just as important as everyone else’s – don’t put yourself on the backburner to make others happy! If you’d like to talk to a Family Support Navigator about setting holiday boundaries, email navigation@familyfutures.net or contact us on our website.
