As caregivers, we all know how tough it can be when our child has a meltdown. It’s often an overwhelming and stressful experience for both the child and the adult. While it’s natural for a child to have emotional outbursts, they need to learn how to regulate their emotions and calm down when they are upset.
Fortunately, there are effective techniques that can help you calm down your little one when they’re having a meltdown. These techniques can be used in various settings and can help your child learn how to manage their emotions in a healthy way.
- Stay Calm
It can be a stressful experience when your little one has a meltdown. You must be calm before trying to help calm a child. We know it can be tough but try to take 1 or 2 deep breaths and hold for a slow count to 10 before doing anything else. As caregivers and role models, we must present a calm state so our children will learn how to eventually calm themselves.
- Give your child your full attention
Get on their level, make eye contact, and show your child that they have your undivided attention. If they’ll let you, gently rub their arm or back and acknowledge the situation. You can say something like, “I see that you’re upset. Can you tell me what you’re feeling right now?” This can help your child feel heard and supported and can help you both know what the child is feeling.
- Speak in a calm, quiet but firm voice
Raising your voice to try to talk over a child just won’t work, it will only make things worse. I used to repeat the following to my son when he was screaming or crying for something “I can’t understand you when you scream. Please tell me what you want/need.” The louder he was, the more quietly I spoke.
- Acknowledge their feelings
Try to see things from your child’s point of view and show them that you understand.
For example, if they are upset because they want a specific toy that they saw in the store while you were shopping and it is not something they will be able to have, acknowledge their feelings.
Something like, “I know you think that toy is really cool, and you would really like to have it. I think it’s cool, too, and I see why you want it. I know it makes you sad, but we can’t get that right now. This is just a quick shopping trip to get groceries for dinner. Can you tell me all the things you like about it while we finish shopping?”
Part of melting down for children is feeling unheard and as though what they want or say simply doesn’t matter to the adults in their world. Children and adolescents operate with feelings first and eventually develop the cognitive skills to be able to look at a situation from a wider perspective. The typical five-year-old simply can’t do this.
- Move Around
If the tantrum takes place in a setting where you have some freedom of movement, try engaging in a brief physical activity with your child such as jumping or swinging. If you can’t move freely, ask the child if they would like to cuddle for a few minutes and just hold them quietly. Your calm breathing and relaxed muscles will help the child’s body relax and their breathing will begin to match yours as they begin to calm themselves.
Remember, it takes a long time for children to learn how to calm themselves.
They begin learning it as babies when their caregivers soothe them. If caregivers aren’t skilled at calming themselves, it will take even longer for their children to learn how to do it. So, take a deep breath and trust the process. With time and practice, your child can learn how to manage big emotions in a healthy way.
- Plan Ahead (when possible)
To prevent a complete meltdown, it’s important that you can identify your child’s triggers: such as tiredness, hunger, or inability to get your attention. Avoid starting or stopping activities when your child is tired and keep healthy snacks on hand for errands. Maintain a consistent schedule as much as possible and create a calm area with comforting items for your child where they can take a break at the first signs of a tantrum.
When children meltdown, they look to their caregivers for support; it’s important that you demonstrate healthy coping strategies for frustration or anger. When you help your child understand how you handle tough situations, it can teach them positive ways to handle similar challenges.
For more resources on how to handle a tantrum or meltdown, click HERE.
