Parents of infants want to raise them to become happy, healthy adults and most feel fairly confident in meeting their physical needs. There are two very early emotional needs that are heavily intertwined with physical needs that are not often discussed, however. All babies need connection and attunement to thrive and become securely attached to their caregivers.
Connection: The Importance of Holding and Cuddling
Connection is the physical presence of parents and caregivers for most of the day in the first few weeks of life. Your baby has had intimate physical contact with the mother’s body until the moment of birth. At birth, the comforting physical sensations are suddenly gone. The baby has no way of knowing what has happened so it cries out of discomfort of the new experiences.
One way to ease this transition is by holding and cuddling the baby. This doesn’t provide the prenatal touch sensations, but it helps baby adapt to the new physical sensations of touching, being spoken to gently, and gazes that are filled with love.
Babies need these actions a lot in the early months of life as they deal with this new world. Holding and cuddling young babies frequently for periods of time daily will not “spoil” a baby. It is a physical need as real as hunger or sleep. In American society, people worry about overdoing this. However, some other cultures, don’t have this issue because they carry their babies with them at all times until the child is age two!
Attunement: Reading Your Baby’s Signals for Soothing Support
Constant contact has many advantages because it makes fulfilling the second primary need much easier. That is the need for attunement – the ability to accurately “read” baby’s signals in terms of what will soothe the baby and then quickly provide whatever that is. Attunement requires being emotionally and mindfully present with baby so you learn to recognize the signals that baby generates. With sufficient connection time spent with baby, the parent can quickly detect subtle changes in muscle tension, or tone of the cry, or identify an emerging pattern in terms of hunger or sleeping.
The parent can respond to baby promptly, but without connection and attunement, if it isn’t what baby needs, it isn’t going to be soothing and baby will become frustrated. This will happen a few times in the beginning and that is normal as the signals develop and the parent learns them. It becomes a problem when the parent, for many reasons, fails to learn the signals and simply tries anything to quiet the baby.
Those babies whose needs are not accurately met are very likely to develop a form of insecure attachment because they have learned that the caregiver cannot be counted on to provide what they need. Babies of parents who are highly attuned develop secure attachments because they have learned they can count on their needs being met and they typically cry much less as they approach their first birthdays.
We want to encourage secure attachment through connection and attunement and provide knowledge and support to new parents. As always, reach out to a Family Support Navigator with any questions or concerns at navigation@familyfutures.org or contact us on our website. We would love to help you with tips and tricks that work for you and your family!
