Separation anxiety usually occurs when someone is going through a major transition.
This can lead to feelings of anxiety, fear, and uncertainty. For instance, children entering preschool for the first time are likely to feel anxious about their new environment and the new expectations placed on them. Many preschoolers experience this normal yet challenging emotion as they transition to a new setting.
It’s important to remember that every child is different.
Individual temperament plays a significant role in the level of anxiety a child experiences. Some children are more adaptable to change and are excited to start school, while others are hesitant and require more time to become accustomed to new experiences. These cautious children may need more advanced preparation for attending school. (Read: Little Kids, Big Feelings)
Why School Can Seem Scary to Children:
From a child’s perspective, being away from their parents and familiar surroundings for long periods can feel overwhelming. Even though there are other adults at school, they might not provide the same comfort as parents do. Without their primary caregivers around, facing the unknowns of the new school setting can be very scary for young children. It makes them feel like they must rely solely on themselves and makes them aware of what they are not yet capable of doing. Children who have been in childcare settings before starting school may experience lower levels of anxiety than those who have been at home with a parent. These children have already developed self-regulating skills to cope with this transition.
Recognizing and Responding to Signs of Anxiety:
Some children may show physical symptoms like headaches or stomach aches, or behavioral changes like irritability or clinginess. If you notice these signs, create a calm environment at home, encourage open communication, and consider seeking professional guidance if needed.
Preparing Your Child for School:
- Open Communication: Talk to your children about different activities that occur in the classroom, interactions with classmates, reminders about appropriate behaviors, and explicitly reassure them about snacks and lunch at school. Giving specific information about activities and layout, especially the location of the bathroom, can relieve unspoken fears about getting lost or being alone during the school day.
- Create a Routine: Set up a school-year bedtime and wake-up routine at least 2 weeks before the first day to help your child adjust to the new schedule.
- Practice Independence: If older children pack their own lunches, have the necessary items ready and let them decide when to make them. (They may need a couple of practice sessions before school starts.)
- Prepare for After School: Be mindful of any sudden behavioral changes that might suddenly occur, such as complaints of headaches, tummy aches, or not feeling well on school mornings. Some children may come home from school cranky or even aggressive. To deal with this, have healthy snacks available for them to ‘wind down’ as they re-adjust the security and predictability of their home.
- Address Fears: Be open to your child’s worries, validate their feelings, and offer reassurance.
- Be Patient and Understanding: Children often believe that adults have no worries, which can make them feel inadequate when they’re anxious. Parents who share their feelings about certain events and how they deal with them are helping their children develop self-regulating skills to cope more effectively with difficult situations.
Remember, you’re not alone. Many parents go through this with their children. By understanding separation anxiety and implementing these strategies, you can help your child navigate this important milestone with confidence and resilience.
