Developing control of bladder and bowel and using the toilet at the appropriate times is often seen as a monumental task by parents, and the “war stories” from experienced parents don’t help ease their concerns. It may help to start with the fact that experts agree that there is no one method that is superior to all others. Although some promise potty training in “one day”, “the weekend method”, “the one-week system”, “the daytime alarm method”, or “the every two-hour approach”, the reality is that the best method depends on the unique circumstances of each family and their child.
Experts do agree on some things that can provide guidelines for parents and caregivers as they approach this milestone event with their child:
- The child should be developmentally ready. The typically developing child’s neuromuscular system is not mature enough to voluntarily control the sphincter muscles of the urethra and the anus before 18 to 24 months of age.
- The child must have the cognitive awareness to recognize signals of a full bladder or full rectum.
- The child must be able to communicate in some way the need to use the toilet. The child doesn’t necessarily have to say “potty”, but should be able to know what the word means and respond in some way.
- In the U.S., most parents begin potty training when their children are between 20 and 24 months old.
- Research shows that methods that follow the above guidelines have better outcomes than methods that impose a rigid structure on the child.
- Each family has to examine their specific circumstances and choose what works best for them.
With that in mind, how can parents best prepare for this task? From the day you bring your child home from the hospital, talk to them. Describe what you are doing as you care for them, for example, “you have a wet diaper, you peed”, or “you pooped” (or whatever words your family uses to describe these bodily functions). Doing this gets you in the habit of vocalizing to your child (which promotes their language development), and it helps the child gradually develop awareness of their body while also learning to associate the words with the actions. That way, even if they don’t say the words for bodily functions, they will understand the meaning and be able to respond to questions during the actual potty training.
Allow the child to accompany the parent or an older sibling to the bathroom when they use the toilet and talk casually about the fact that the child will be doing in a while, too. At least a month before starting potty training, take the child shopping to choose a potty chair and perhaps a book that shows the steps of potty training. Let your child sit on the chair fully clothed and try it out while looking at the book and talking about the process. Some children are motivated by the idea of getting new “big kid” underwear of their choice when potty training is completed.
I began potty training each of my kids shortly after their second birthday, but we talked about it and became accustomed to the potty chair in the weeks leading up to their birthdays. I put them in training pants and reminded them to come tell me when they had to go. The first 2 weeks they told me AFTER they went and I praised them and told them they did great and next time, “come and tell me before you go.” The next 2 weeks or so, they came and told me after they started, but they stopped the process and finished on the potty. I still had to change the training pants, but I could see that the control was beginning. After 6 weeks of this regimen, my daughter was potty trained for bladder and bowel. My son took 8 weeks of doing this and was trained for bladder. However, he didn’t use the potty for bowel for the next 6 months. I decided against putting him back in diapers because he was fully trained for bladder and I didn’t want him to backslide.
My next three children took a little more effort; verbal praise and hugs didn’t have as much effect, and I moved on to tangible rewards like stickers, raisins, and (gasp!) M&Ms, which finally did the trick for my two sons. It took a longer time for the baby of the family, my daughter. She enjoyed being the baby, was very verbal, and every time we tried to start, she announced, “I’m not ready now!” So I’d stop for a month or two and try again. Even with all the stops and starts, she was completely potty trained before her third birthday. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, that is well within the typical range for children, especially if their mothers work outside the home.
Why did it seem so much smoother for my two older children—I only worked two days a week. By the time I was potty training my three youngest, I was working full-time, and the children were in a day care setting, which didn’t allow for the one-on-one attention I was able to provide earlier.
This is just my experience of how the changed circumstances in our family life altered the timing of the potty training. Researchers have also noted that apparent delays or even regression in potty training are common when disruptions occur. Events such as serious illness, natural disasters, moving to a new location for work, a new baby in the family, and adding another family member to the household can and usually will cause some disturbances in potty training and other routines. These are typically temporary, and the challenge is trying not to stress out over the delays in achieving bladder and bowel control. If the parents communicate stress about the lack of achievement, the child will soon experience that stress, and that could cause further delays. Children who were born pre-term or who have other conditions such as Down Syndrome, cerebral palsy, autism, problems with neuromuscular development, or the urinary system might take longer to potty train, and some may require intervention. According to the researchers, this should be evaluated if the child is not potty-trained by age 5
A helpful Resource is the“Potty Training for Dummies” book by Dianne Stafford and Jennifer Shoquist, MD. Publisher John Wiley & Sons. The publication date is 2002, and it includes loads of helpful tips as well as indications for seeking additional resources.
