My middle child is six years old. He was born at 33 weeks and spent time in the NICU. He’s a very spirited child. He’s funny, creative, caring, a leader, smart and a bundle of energy. But he’s also aggressive, stubborn, short-tempered, messy, and obsessive. He’s not a great sleeper. We’ve spent roughly four out of his six short years waking up at or before 5 a.m. At home and at school we’ve dealt with tantrums. And I’m not talking about the typical three-year-old tantrum – I’m talking screaming for hours, hitting, biting, punching, kicking, destroying his toys and room.
And then sometimes, the tantrums would stop, he would turn into a totally different person, like the tantrum never even happened.
After realizing that our son’s behavior was changing the dynamic of our family and affecting the lives of our other children, we knew we needed to reach out for help. We saw countless doctors, therapists, and counselors all to be told he had ADHD and needed regular therapy to help manage it. We tried that for a while. It didn’t help. So, I spent the better half of a year researching different doctors, medications, and other ways to help.
Eventually, we made the decision to have a full comprehensive psychological evaluation done. We knew that the process would be long and difficult. We would have to come to terms with whatever it was that the doctors told us, but we were ready. We had exhausted every other option, we were tired, and we needed help as a family.
The evaluation started with hours of parent interviews asking us questions that went all the way back to when he took his first step. The questions were intense and took hours to get through. I remember going home being completely emotionally drained after those interviews. After the parent interviews, it was time for our son’s evaluation. We broke it up into two different sessions. We knew that he wouldn’t be able to make it through all the testing and games in one sitting. To our surprise, he seemed to enjoy the testing! He liked playing games and doing different activities. He was excited to go to the appointment. Once we were done with his evaluations, it became a waiting game.
While we waited, we questioned ourselves as parents. We couldn’t understand where we went wrong. Why wasn’t he responding the way our other kids were? Our son didn’t have the typical ques that would lead anyone to suggest an autism screening right away. He was verbal, he was social (to an extent), all the things that we thought were just quirks ended up being the ques to the doctor who diagnosed him.
Two weeks after his final appointment, we received the results. Our son was diagnosed with Level One Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), ADHD, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. The full diagnosis was heavy and a lot to process, but at the same time I felt a sense of calm come over me. We finally had answers.
We always knew our son’s brain worked and processed things just a bit differently, but now we had reasoning behind it. The tantrums weren’t just because he wanted to be difficult – he couldn’t express himself the same way our other kids could. When we shared the diagnoses with friends and family, everyone reached out with the best of intentions, however, the one thing we heard the most often was, “I am so sorry.” I would always respond with, “We’re not. We have answers, things make sense now, and we can get him the appropriate help and services.”
We immediately sought out occupational therapy and speech therapy to begin working on gross and fine motor skills, and his speech. Speech therapy is more than helping fix a lisp, it’s teaching how to process thoughts, and how to express yourself. These sessions have helped him in so many ways. We’ve learned different exercises that help with regulation and focus. Incorporating these things into our daily lives have made such a difference.
We’ve spent just over a year working with different doctors and therapists to really understand these different diagnoses and put together a plan that will best suit our son and our family.
Getting these diagnoses and even admitting that we needed to get them was a stressful process. We questioned our parenting, we were tired of the constant battles, we were just plain exhausted. We had hit a wall and didn’t know what to do. I felt like a horrible mother. I thought, “I should have known; I should have been able to manage the tantrums,” but I couldn’t. Getting answers can be scary, and can change your life forever, but it can be the best thing that has ever happened as well. We thrive as a family now; We know how to interact with each other, we know each person’s ques and we are happy! And that’s all that matters.
If you are experiencing a similar situation with your child, you aren’t alone. The Family Support Navigator team at Family Futures is happy to talk you through options and answer your questions anytime at navigation@familyfutures.net.
